When I was in Senegal, writing a diary was a good way of seeing the ways God was faithful and sustaining to me when I looked back at it. Every now and again, I’m just going to write one out, exactly as I wrote it (never meaning it to be read by anyone). Hmm. We’ll see how long this keeps up.
This was written on the 2nd Dec 2015 *unedited* –
“It has been a pretty quiet few days but with still so many experiences and laughter shared.
This afternoon, was reading ‘When faith gets shaken’ by Patrick Reagan, and today have spent a little bit of time in prayer and just wanted to write down a few thoughts.
I was thinking, much inspired by the book, about the idea of faith and the sense of God’s presence, or rather the lack of a sense of it, and what the book said much ran true with how I feel often. And yet so importantly, faith isn’t run on those little ‘senses’ of God. Most of all, those times with a lack of sense does not mean that I am not a Christian or that I have stopped believing.
It is simply a time where God might be encouraging me to deepen my understanding of him by reading the Bible or actually taking the time to pray for others. I really feel like during this journey to Senegal, God has been encouraging me to have a more prayerful approach to situations I don’t understand or cannot fix and to actually realise and see the bigger picture outside of just me in my faith!
I think also he is trying to make me see that it is not the things I do that makes me worthy of his grace and love. That has come up so many times in bible passages recently and so I am sure that’s what I am supposed to be realising. I do not or cannot earn his grace; I have it already. The actions I do doesn’t make me a Christian or make him love me more. He loves/loved me before I was born.
I thought coming to Senegal would be this amazing servant-of-God-filled time with me perhaps saving and helping many people and therefore, becoming a better Christian because of it. It hasn’t been the case: God doesn’t need me to do his work, he can manage without me! And I think God is making me question who it is I’ve been trying to prove myself to. It’s unnecessary, he loves me wholly and completely. “
This is where I am cutting off the entry but I’m amazed how much this links into my other post about it being nothing that we can do to earn God’s love (didn’t read the diary entry through before typing it out.) Clearly a message that even a year later, I struggle to remember and yet what an amazing truth.
For it is by God’s grace you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts but the gift of God. -Ephesians 2:8-9